REMIND YOURSELF HOW AWESOME YOU ARE

by Sarah Hiner

My eyes filled with tears of happiness yesterday when two little girls who I tutor invited me to be their surrogate grandma at an upcoming school event, since their real grandparents couldn’t travel for the event.  I saved the text message inviting me since it was so touching that they feel comfortable enough to want me to be part of this event. 

I saved another one from a few weeks ago when I was also asked to stand in as a surrogate family member:  “My kids adore you and know deep in their hearts that their Auntie Sarah would do anything for them…And can we say you are FUN too!”

Why do I share these?  Not to boast – that’s not my style.  Because saving these texts for future reflection is a part of how I shift to become happy on days when I’m less than joyous. 

If you ask me, “What’s the best advice you have ever received in business?” I’d say that it’s tough to pick the one best thing…but one of my favorites to help me feel inspired and build my confidence is to keep an “Atta Girl” file. The question was framed as business advice, but honestly, we all need pick-me-ups sometimes, business and personal. 

What’s an “Atta Girl” file?

Perhaps you’ll recognize it if I call it an “Atta Boy” file—as in the phrase “Atta boy…great job!”

Early in my career, one of my mentors told me to save the all-too-rare notes and examples of positive feedback that I receive in what he called an “atta girl” file. He said that it would give me strength during those tough moments when I lost confidence and questioned my ability, my relationships, my career path, my choices or all of the above.  Now more than 40 years later, it really is one of the best things I ever did. After all, we all need some positive reinforcement at times.

One of my first friends in college was Meghan, my dorm mate and field hockey teammate. She was funny and pretty and from a very well-to-do family. She had gone to a fancy all-girls private school and was nothing like anyone I had known growing up. When she would look at herself in the mirror before leaving her dorm room for practice or class, she would give herself a lovely little pep talk…

“You’re so cute. Look at you. You’re cute and funny and just so awesome!”

Huh? What did she just say and do? Was she really so conceited? Actually, not at all.

After her first little pep talk, she turned and told me that since no one else would tell her all of those great things, she did it for herself.

Sad but true—we all get far more negative feedback in life than positive. And, as Julia Roberts said in the movie Pretty Woman when Richard Gere told her she was wonderful — “The bad stuff is easier to believe.” Hence the “Atta-Girl/Boy” file. When things aren’t going as well as you’d like, this is where you turn to remind yourself of your greatness…of the people you have touched…of the special moments from your past…of the special accomplishments you’ve had.

So what do I have in my magical “Atta Girl” file? A beautiful array of thank-you notes and accolades, both personal and professional. Some Annual planning presentations, assorted speeches I’ve made and articles I’ve had published.  There are even some apology notes from my children asking for forgiveness for their childhood tantrums and outbursts. Over time, those many challenging parenting moments have dulled in my memory, and my headstrong children have turned into strong, independent and amazing young women. It’s very touching to see my husband’s and my parenting strategies in action, laying the groundwork for the values by which our daughters live today.

I don’t look at this folder often…in fact, rarely. But I have diligently added items to it through the years creating a subconscious foundation for my confidence and the knowledge that I am making a difference in the world.

What should you put in your own Atta Girl/Boy file? Anything that is a memento of the good that you do and the wonderfulness that you are. Groups you volunteered with…thank you notes from those you have touched…photos from events you planned…projects and work that you are proud of…certificates of completion from classes you’ve taken…performance reviews. 

This is about you creating your own file of praise and acknowledgement in a world that spends more time tearing down than it does building up. 

Once you create it, then what?  

As my friend Meghan taught me, we each need to be our own best cheerleaders.  We can’t rely on the world to help us feel good each day.  Happiness is an inside job… though sometimes having a tangible reminder of how awesome you are feels really good. 

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