Invite Happiness With You on The Pendulum of Life

by Sarah Hiner

Life Is a pendulum of emotions as we often experience nearly simultaneous joys and sorrows at any given moment on any given day. How can you feel safe and joyful when at any moment your world can come crashing down? We have come to live with fear and anxiety,  but the fear of impending dooms does not have to rob you of the joys of life. 

Just recently I’ve experienced assorted several instances of the extreme highs and lows of life.

Within a few days’ time I had my last aunt die and a niece announce her pregnancy.

A week later a dear friend of the family and former coworker died while another dear friend and former co-worker started her new life in a new beautiful home that has taken years to attain.

Others receive serious health diagnoses on the heels of retirement.

People buy their dream house only to discover a problem with it that will cost more money and delay the enjoyment of their home.

Families are celebrating the engagement of a child or the birth of a grandchild and while facing financial challenges in the face of rising costs for pretty much everything.

Sometimes it just seems like a cruel joke that our highpoints get tarnished by the challenges. Why can’t we catch a break?  Why can’t we just be happy for a while?  Why does rain constantly have to fall on the parade?

Because that’s life.  Because part of life is experiencing the constant pendulum swing of the highs and lows.  Part of our lessons in life is learning how to navigate the ride physically and emotionally.

I’m not being Pollyanna-ish or sugar coating it when I say that there is indeed growth that comes from those horrible lows.. and in my experience, there are actually positive thoughts that can be found in many of them.

When this co-worker, “Naomi” died recently, I was very sad, but I was also inspired as I reflected on what a beautiful soul she was and how many people she touched with her magic throughout her life.  As a person of deep faith and a repeat-cancer survivor, “Naomi” taught us all good life lessons in grace, optimism and trust.

When my father died ten years ago, I actually sang (along with my sister) during my father’s eulogy sharing a song we had written and performed on his 80^th birthday several years earlier. Why would we sing it? Because the song so perfectly summed up the many lessons he taught us throughout his life, and because sharing those lessons helped heal the sadness of the loss.  Death of a loved one is devastating.  But, it is unhealthy to be stuck in the grief rather than working through the grieving process to bring the love and memories with you into your next chapter.

When my husband and I emptied our home to move west, it was a very sorrowful time for Ron.  He felt like we were ending a chapter by emptying the home where we had raised our children and shared so many happy moments.  We were tearing down that which we had spent nearly 30 years building while being confronted with the many projects he intended to do but never quite completed.  Looking into mortality?  A past gone by? Acknowledgement of dreams unfulfilled? Yes there’s sadness as you close a door, but happiness as you look at all you did accomplish and look toward your next chapter.   What’s the saying? When God closes a door, he opens a window?

An acquaintance, Hollye Jacobs, wrote a beautiful book entitled The Silver Lining: A Supportive and Insightful Guide to Breast Cancer after her breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 39.  She was a healthy young vibrant woman with a young child and adoring husband. Breast cancer was nowhere on the radar.  Yet after her diagnosis, she realized the many lessons she learned and could share with others facing similar challenges.  She’s gone on to become a Certified Resilience Coach helping others to face and overcome life’s challenges.

None of this is easy. In fact it’s really hard and painful and can be full of sadness. But it’s our journey. Fighting it won’t stop the pain or the journey. And living under the pall of impending doom will only make things worse.  So how do you grow from those painful experiences? How do you avoid the whiplash that comes with the constantly changing landscape?  A few ideas…

•  Reflect on the lessons learned and wonderful moments from the person you have lost… What can you incorporate into your own life?
•  Connect with others who are here. Seeing or talking to others who are close to you during times of loss reminds you of the other richness in your life.
•  Connect with others (part 2).  Being with others fuels our Oxytocin, the hormone of human connection and the hormone that helps us not feel alone.
•  Get into action. Lost your job? Update your resume and start searching for a new opportunity.  Bills piling up?  Where can you cut your spending.. or increase your income? (Yes, some of these actions may come with some effort or sacrifice but you will be working toward a better situation. )
•  Control what you can control and let go of the rest. Worry is a mere waste of energy and creates release of the self-destructive hormone, cortisol.
•  Shift your perspective. It sounds trite but viewing the glass as half full vs half empty really does help your physiologically and emotionally.  Rather than filter the world through a haze of impending doom focus on the opportunities ahead.

Remember…No matter what, no matter where, the pendulum does swing back as it seeks equilibrium.  And one secret of happiness is trusting that law of physics while choosing how you want to experience the journey.


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